He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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