Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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