I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
