you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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