You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she peed on how many people?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
