Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So. Much. Porn.
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