Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
