Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
