She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
