I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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