Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
