I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
