Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
