This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
