I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
