cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
