Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
