i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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