we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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