I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
