I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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