The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just tell him i said nine months
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
last night I used snow as a chaser
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
