How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
