I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
