$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
