So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
