one might say we're banned from that church
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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