ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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