Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
