Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
