You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
