Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
