I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
