dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
