She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
