Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
