Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will pee on everything he values.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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