if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
