we have officially lost it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
