Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
