shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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