thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
