The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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