Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
