The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
