Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i will never coherently bang her
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
