Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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