There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
