heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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