Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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