what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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