cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
